Is Your Boyfriend Your Equal, Or A Child You're Raising?
He's lived with his Mom until now and responsibility is not something he's been used to. OK, he'll figure it out. But only if you give him the chance. If you keep treating him like a child, then you'll be raising him for the rest of your life.
Is your boyfriend just an older child? Look out for the signs:
1. You're doing everything around the house, while he sleeps, plays videogames, and occasionally yells "I'm hungry!".
2. You're supporting him financially because none of the jobs he doesn't have is good enough for him.
3. He only learns his lesson after he's been punished.
4. He has no idea where/how/when the bills are paid and no interest in finding out. As long as the internet's working, he's fine.
5. He's messy and unless you clean after him, he definitely won't. EVER.
6. He's more interested in hanging out with his buddies, gaming, or partying, than you, your feelings, or your future together.
7. He never listens. Whenever you talk to him, he says "sure thing, babe", but you know he's heard exactly 0 words.
8. He complains to his/your friends about you not allowing him to do things.
9. When things don't go his way, he overreacts, says mean things to you, and storms off like a 15-year-old who's no longer allowed to play on his Playstation because his grades are low.
10. For him, everything's a joke. Don't even mention marriage or having kids, because he'll laugh and laugh...Â
Feel free to add things to this list. If your bf is basically just a child with body hair, you already know it. And you probably have known this for a while, but what can you do? You love him, he's a great person, he just needs to grow up a little. But if you keep acting like a Mom, he never will.
Stop treating him like you're his Mom.
1. Stop making rules for him. The two of you should set some ground rules together, for both of you.
2. If you make everything around the house and then just complain that "he never helps", he never will. Ask him to help, and do it nicely. Start with small tasks, say thank you, and use a sweet voice. Don't make a scene if he says "in a minute". Be patient.
3. Stop punishing him like he's a two-year-old. "Oh, yeah??? Well, no more TV for you, mister!!!". You're not his Mom. If there's an issue, address it. Talk about it. If he doesn't change and you can't live with it, just leave him.
4. He won't become responsible if doesn't have any responsibilities. Divide the tasks, ask him to help with some of the chores, and always do it nicely. Remember, you love this guy. Don't be bossy, always use a sweet voice, and treat him as your equal.
5. Stop cleaning his mess. Ask him nicely to do it, and if he won't, ignore it. He will eventually need some clean socks, trust me.
6. Find some common interests. Hang out with both his and your friends. You must have something in common, or else you wouldn't be together, right? Do that.
7. Instead of telling him to do something, ask him nicely to help. There's such a big difference between "Go do the dishes, or else", and "Sweetie, can you please wash those plates while I make us some dessert?". Always say "please" and "thank you". And throw a kiss in there, it's free.
8. You can't allow him or forbid him to do things, that's what Moms do. He's an adult and so are you, you're both free to do whatever you want.Â
9. If you're ever arguing, remain calm. Don't make unnecessary scenes, don't raise your voice, and don't insult each other.
10. It's not your duty to support him financially, but hey, anyone can lose their job, or have a hard time finding work. It's ok to help him out, as long as he realizes that eventually, he will need to chip in.