Loving Someone Isn't Enough To Make It Work
Letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things you'll have to do.
I love you, but is it enough?
When you're madly in love with someone, you are certain that you can make things work. Differences regarding culture, finance, age, education, career, future plans, personality, or wishes feel like 'details'. If romantic comedies have thought us anything is that love can overcome anything. But can it, really? Are our feelings enough? When the beautiful passion vanishes and real-life hits us hard, is love enough to make things work?
Let's talk about emotional safety.
Feeling emotionally safe around someone means trusting them enough to let your guard down, 100%. You feel internally relaxed, comfortable enough to be your authentic self. You feel free to express your feelings, including your dislikes, and longings, without worrying that you'll be shamed, judged, or rejected.
One of the key ingredients for a successful marriage or long-lasting relationship is emotional safety. Unless you feel safe enough to express your feelings, there will always be an invisible barrier between the two of you. There will always be fear and doubt. Will they accept you for who you really are? If you dare express your true wishes, will they leave? You'll build up frustration and eventually burst out, get into a huge fight and hurt each other's feelings.
We are different people.
We are all so different. Our backgrounds, personalities, culture, education shape us differently. We have different needs and wishes. While some need stability, others want to be on a constant adventure. While some want kids, others don't see themselves as parents. While some need to be financially comfortable, others are content with less. We have different backgrounds, we've been raised differently, we see love with different eyes, and express our feelings differently. These differences often lead to inefficient communication, which causes frustration, insecurity, doubt, fear, and anxiety. Is love enough to overcome our differences? In a romantic comedy, sure! But in real life, not really.
Being true to ourselves.
In order to build a real connection, you must feel free to be yourself. You need to be honest with your partner and in order to do that, you first need to be honest with yourself. Sure, you can always put on an act, but how long can you pretend to be someone you're not? If you and your partner are completely opposite, it won't be easy to build up a strong connection, because you'll both need to show your true selves. How can you reveal your true self, when you're not certain they'll love it? Maybe you'll lie for a while, hoping they'll get to love you too much to leave you. This is what most people do, and also why most relationships fail. You do it out of love, but in the end, love alone is not enough.
Love can bring out the best in us, or the worst.
There can be two amazing people who are both great separately, but who don't work as a couple, at all. The differences and inefficient communication lead to frustrations, insecurity, and doubt which will later show in their behavior. Jealousy, constant fighting, anger are some of the reactions love can cause, when two people aren't sharing a real, healthy connection.
We're not ourselves when we're jealous, angry, anxious and frustrated, and this side of ours is far from being our best. We'd all prefer the kind of love that encourages us to grow, follow our dreams, and become the best versions of ourselves. But sometimes love brings out the worst in people, and when it happens to us, we rarely have the wisdom to put an end to it before it's too late. *See all the awful breakups you've been through.
Love alone can't make things work, so let them go.
Love is not enough, and it hurts. One of the hardest things you'll have to do is let go of someone you love with all your being. There's no easy out. You'll have to suffer through it, feel all the pain, cry your eyes out, and then gradually move on. You'll think about them a little less every day, until one day you'll wake up without thinking about them at all. Some days will be worse than others, but eventually, you will move on. Will you ever stop loving them? Maybe. One thing's for sure: you will eventually meet someone who besides love, will check all the other boxes. You'll build a strong connection and you'll both feel very comfortable with each other. You'll share dreams and wishes, and you'll build the life you both want. Anger and jealousy will be something in your distant past. When there's more than love in a relationship, everything is easier. There are fewer conflicts, communication is easy, and there's a lot less work. This is the kind of love that nourishes your soul and brings out the best in you.