A Toxic Friend Will Always Blame You For Their Mistakes
You can't win with toxic people...
How do you recognize a toxic friend?
Throughout life, you'll deal with many people that turn out to be toxic. We all do. They can be very charming in the beginning. They act like you've got tons of things in common and make you feel they're your best friend. As the relationship evolves, they begin having all kinds of requests - drive me to the mall, do my grocery shopping, get my car washed - all things you wouldn't mind doing if they were occasional favors.
The issue is, they need these favors all the time, and if you dare say NO, you'll never hear the end of it. They will insult you, make you feel guilty about it, and treat you like trash for not 'helping' them 'when they needed you the most'. They lie, play the victim, and say the most hurtful things to make you feel guilty, so they can easily manipulate you. 'I should have known you aren't a good friend', 'I should have seen this coming, after all, I can never count on you', 'Thanks to you, I had to drive myself, and got into an accident. I hope you're happy' are some of the things you might hear from them.
They NEVER admit when they're wrong.
You can't win an argument with a toxic person, because in their opinion, they can't be wrong. Even with all the facts on the table, they'll twist everything and prove to you that you're wrong and they're right. And even if they admit that a mistake's been made, they'll blame someone else for it. Probably you.
They don't take responsibility for their actions, because they are perfect and always right, so they can't make mistakes. They lied to you and you caught them? You found out they talked trash about you behind your back? It's your fault for pushing them into it, as you're always too busy for them. And after everything they've done for you, how dare you blame them? You are ungrateful. They've been nothing but a good friend for you, and this is how you repay them? Fine. Then you should no longer contact them because you clearly couldn't care less about them. And, boom! You're not only apologizing, but you also owe them a favor, which they'll use against you for many months to come.
You can't win with toxic people.
Toxic friends will manipulate you into serving them. They are bullies. They won't change. The only way to win with a toxic person is to keep them at distance. You can try to put your foot down, but this will only make things worse. When they feel they can no longer control you, toxic people will try to control how others see you. They can and will turn everyone against you if they must.
How to deal with a toxic friend?
The best solution is to let them go. Toxic people don't bring any value to your life. They are energy-draining, bullies, manipulative people who don't see you as a friend, but as a server. If you can, break up with them. Remember: Letting toxic people go is not an act of cruelty. It's an act of self-care.
If you can't, there are a few things you can do. Set clear boundaries, and let them know what you can and can't do for them. For example: "I would love to drive you at the mall, but not more than once a month, and you'll have to let me know in advance so I can plan ahead." They will try to test your boundaries, so make sure you stick to them.
Don't share any personal details with them, because they'll use it against you. Don't even gossip about others when they're around, because they'll either tell on you, or blackmail you about it. Don't believe everything they say, as they are great liars. Don't agree to everything they ask you to do, and don't feel bad about it. And remember this: You don't owe them anything.