Be Careful Who You Let Into Your Life
Not everyone deserves to be part of your life...
Kind people attract toxic people.
When you are a kind, generous person, who is always willing to help others, you attract toxic people like a magnet. They sense that you're willing to give, so they take and take until they drain you out completely. Toxic people take advantage of everyone who is nice to them, and use them for their own benefit. If you are a good listener, a manipulative person will latch onto you, because they love talking about themselves. they'll brag about their achievements even if they aren't spectacular, and complain about their issues, even if they're the most insignificant. If they observe that you're a good friend who makes time for them, they'll start asking favors frequently and use you for all kinds of chores. Honest and trusting people tend to be open. But a manipulative person will use EVERYTHING you share to coerce you into doing something for them. If you are a caring, helpful person, they'll use you into getting all kinds of things, from money to favors like doing their grocery shopping. So, while being kind is one of the best traits a person can have, be very careful about the people you let into your life. Distance yourself from toxic people as soon as you notice the signs.
How do you know someone is toxic.
They leave you emotionally exhausted after each encounter. They complain a lot and always play the victim, sometimes in the most absurd situations. For example, even if they're way wealthier than you, they'll complain to you about how much money they had to pay for this cruise they're going on, or say things like "You're so lucky you're poor, having a lot of money is so stressful!".
They try to intimidate you and guilt trip you into getting their way. "If you don't come clubbing with me tonight, you're not my friend. I don't care if you're tired, if you care about me, you'll go." They often use threats, they dramatize a lot, and make a huge deal if you ever say No.
They ask for 'favors' all the time. We have to help each other, but toxic people go to the extremes asking for favors. Today they'll need you to drive them to the mall, tomorrow you'll have to take their Mom for a walk, and the next day you'll be expected to drive from the other side of the town to take their trash out. If you ever say no, they'll make you feel guilty about it, insult you, cry a lot, and act like it's the end of the world.
They never admit their mistakes or apologize. If they make a mistake or harm you on purpose, they'll blame it on you. They don't feel sorry about anything they do, and they never apologize. Even when the facts are clear and the proof is right before their eyes, they'll find a way to blame their mistake on you and force you to apologize.
Their compliments always come with a twist. In the beginning, they compliment you A LOT. They spoil you with exaggerated compliments you'll find hard to believe. "I've never met someone as intelligent as you! You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Let me take a picture of you, you could be a model! I love listening to your stories, you have such an interesting life!" If you're not careful, they'll win you over. And after you're attracted, the compliments change. They start adding something negative in every 'positive' thing they say. "You have such a beautiful face... if only your body was the same!" If you confront them, they'll say "What? I said you had a beautiful face!".
They always play the victim. It's like the whole world has something against them. If they get fired, it's because the boss was intimidated by their skills, racist, jealous, or sleeping with another coworker. If people leave them, it's because they are evil and were only using them. If they ever hear NO, they'll come up with the craziest lies, like "I may have cancer and you can't do this one thing for me?? What kind of friend are you??".
Keeping toxic people away is an act of self-care.
Distancing yourself from toxic people isn't selfish or cruel. It's an act of self-care. When manipulative people are your friends or coworkers, it's easier to distance yourself from them. Once they no longer receive your full attention, they usually find someone else to control. After a huge scene, obviously. But sometimes toxic people are closer, like family members, and in these cases, it's a little harder to keep a distance. Harder, but not impossible. People may and certainly will judge you for not talking to one of your parents, siblings or in-laws. But unless you keep them at a distance, they will drain all the positivity and energy out of you. Then blame everything on you.