How To Deal With People Talking About You Behind Your Back
It's so awful coming from our so-called 'friends'...
You'd expect it from an 'enemy', but not from a friend.
It's so awful to find out someone has been talking about you behind your back. While you'd expect it from someone who hates you, you would never imagine a good friend could do this. Sadly, it happens. People have been gossiping from the beginning of time, and they'll keep doing it as long as we exist.
It's not about you, but them.
It happens, and you can't stop it. Sometimes, even you might get caught up in gossip, without intending to hurt anyone's feelings. Even though it's disappointing and heartbreaking, remember this: it's not about you. People gossip for many reasons, all related to their self-esteem. They might do it because they are jealous, which means they believe your life is better than theirs. They could feel threatened by you, which means they feel insecure about an aspect of their lives. They have low self-esteem, and they try to bring others down, so they can feel better about themselves. Whichever the case, it's not your fault, so try not to take it to the heart.
How to deal with gossipers?
1. Do nothing, and let it pass.
People are going to talk behind your back, and there's nothing you can do about it. You might be tempted to confront them, but what would that solve? If they admit to it and apologize, would that make it better? And most importantly, will it stop them from doing it again? Probably not, and it might encourage them to take the gossip even further. So, the best thing you can do is ignore it and let it pass. They'll soon find someone else to talk about, that's for sure.
2. Don't return the 'favor'.
The last thing you want to do is fight gossip with even more gossip. This would only amplify the scandal, and it won't do you any good. Besides, it would only prove that you've let them bring you down.
3. Fight negativity with positivity.
Instead of allowing them to bring you down, lift them up instead. Analyze the situation and try to see the reasons behind their gossip. Why would they feel threatened, or jealous? Is there something in that person's life that makes them feel insecure? Fight negativity with positivity. Compliment them, be nice to them, say something sweet. They'll either feel better about themselves and stop gossiping or feel bad about talking behind your back since you were so sweet to them.
4. Set boundaries with your gossipers.
Don't start a huge fight over this, and let it pass. But don't overlook this incident, either. Forgive, but don't forget, and be smarter about the information you share with those that have proven to be unreliable. Be nice, but don't tell them any personal details, or secrets whatsoever.
5. Don't engage in gossip about others.
You know hot sucks to be the subject of gossip, so make sure you don't to it, either. It's easy to get caught in this game. You're having a glass of wine with a friend and suddenly, they start telling you all these spicy details about another friend. You know it's wrong, but you also kinda want to hear them, and with no intention of harming that person, you engage in it. It's easy. But remember that what you're hearing, while interesting, might not be true. Keep in mind that whoever's gossiping might not know the whole story, or might have added a personal touch to the whole thing. So instead of engaging in gossip, put a stop to it before you're part of the whole thing. "This is starting to feel like gossip. I'd rather not talk about her if she's not here to defend herself, " is the best answer to give when someone's trying to gossip to you.