Love Only Hurts When You're With The Wrong Person
Love may take hard work, but it's not supposed to make you miserable.
Love takes hard work. Love takes sacrifice. For a relationship to last, you need to compromise. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. We hear things like these all the time, and while they're all true, so is this: love isn't supposed to make you miserable.
How much sacrifice does love take? How much work is too much work?
While love is never perfect, it should be perfect FOR YOU. It's supposed to make you happy. Sure, relationships require compromise, hard work, and sacrifice, but not to a point where it turns into suffering and abuse.
Moving to a different city, so you can be together, that's a compromise. Being abused, verbally or physically, isn't. Sadly, too many people can't see the line between compromise and abuse and become stuck in toxic relationships.
They believe they're making a sacrifice, as love takes work. They believe everyone's doing the same because love is never perfect. So they suffer through it because they can't even imagine love could actually be sweet, instead of bitter.
Love does require hard work, but not forever.
All relationships demand an effort, especially at the beginning. You need to learn each other's habits, how to communicate, and how to give each other space. Being comfortable around someone takes time and work. As time passes, your relationship will be tested on many occasions. Sickness, financial issues, family conflicts, career changes, are just some of the things you may have to deal with. There will be changes through which you'll need to work on your relationship. However, this shouldn't last forever. If your love constantly needs hard work, you may not be compatible. Ask yourself these questions: Does your hard work ever pay off? Does it lead to you ever being happy? Or are you still miserable most of the time?
All couples argue. However, there are healthy arguments and there's abuse.
Arguments occur in healthy relationships, too, but they're isolated incidents which end with a solution that satisfies both partners - aka compromise. In a healthy argument, partners discuss their issue, come up with solutions, they admit when they've been wrong, take responsibility and apologize. They don't insult each other or become abusive. Threats, insults, intimidation, blaming, emotional blackmail, or manipulation are all examples of abusive behavior that's got nothing to do with love.
Accept that people don't change.
This is a lesson we can't seem to learn. People don't change, regardless of the sacrifices we make. You can satisfy all their wishes and demands, but an abuser will still abuse you. You can be everything they want you to be, and still not be enough. And sometimes people just aren't compatible, no matter how hard they try. So, if you're efforts don't seem to pay off, stop hoping for a miracle, and move on. There is real love out there and when you'll find it, you'll be surprised by how easy it can be.Â
Real love doesn't hurt.
In a healthy relationship, both partners make an effort, but none of them suffers. The work and compromise you put into the relationship pay off, leading to happiness, comfort, and love that grows every day in a healthy way. If it hurts, all you're really sacrificing is your happiness, precious time and energy, for something that will never pay off.